Monday, December 2, 2013


I learned a lot of things from the Fat Acceptance blogs I read when anyone was still posting.

I learned that it was more than possible to be fat and healthy at the same time.

I learned that so many people out in the internet wanted to support each other and see each other through.

I learned that BMI is relatively meaningless, that I could ask for a bigger blood pressure cuff and my score was normal, that I could tell a doctor I wasn't interested in discussing my weight and they would respect that.

But I learned a lot of other things.

I learned that should I choose to lose weight, it would never work. That 95% of people who lose weight re-gain it in five years or less.

I learned that if I went to a doctor to do something about my weight, I could expect them to see my number and nothing else. That if I'm scared there's something legitimately wrong, I can't even think about bringing it up until I've tried to diet and exercise first.

I learned that there's basically no hope in the world that I could change my body now that I'm starting to want to.

I have horrible stretch marks all over my belly and my arms.

I think I've gained at least 50 pounds in the last 5 years.

None of my pants fit. My shirts are getting too short. Everything is tight and awful.

I can't like this

I can't like myself like this. I can't be okay with how clumsy and chafing and uncomfortable and ugly I am.

And I spent so much time learning that there was nothing I could do to make it better.


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. I have the same fear of doctors that you do.

    I think some new clothes would probably help, to start. Even if you can't afford much. See if there's a plus-size consignment store in your area. Even one dress that makes you feel pretty seems like it could help.

    Have you checked out the Fat Nutritionist? She's pretty good with practical advice and might be able to help you.

  2. I should talk to her, for sure, that's a good idea. Honestly, if someone were just able to tell me whether or not I need to worry....I may be able to be okay with being this weight, but I'm scared right now that I'm ignoring a real health problem.

    i laugh at clothes at this point. The same jeans that are tight when I sit down are loose when i stand up. And i pretty much have the same feeling when i'm wearing looser clothes anyway. Not that I ever wear pretty dresses....i love dresses and skirts so much but i haven't worn them regularly since high school because my thighs chafe too badly and it hurts...that's the one thing that makes me saddest.

  3. Hm, have you tried wearing gym shorts under a dress? I've also had good luck with Lanacane Anti-Chafing Gel.